Because of South Park’s Scientology episode, the Church of Scientology hired people to spy on Matt and Trey to find something on them to use for blackmail. The Church became frustrated when their investigation turned up nothing but the fact that they’re pretty normal people.
Scientology Tried to Blackmail South Park Creators
In 2005, South Park aired "Trapped in the Closet," an episode that mercilessly satirized Scientology's beliefs and practices. The episode explained the religion's origin story involving the alien overlord Xenu, depicted Tom Cruise literally hiding in a closet, and ended with a caption daring Scientology to sue them.
The Church of Scientology did not sue. Instead, they deployed a tactic they'd used against critics for decades: private investigators.
Operation: Find Dirt on Parker and Stone
According to multiple sources close to the situation, Scientology hired teams of private investigators to surveil Matt Stone and Trey Parker. The goal was simple: find something embarrassing, illegal, or compromising that could be used as leverage to force them to apologize or retract the episode.
This wasn't unprecedented. The church has a documented history of using aggressive tactics against critics, a practice rooted in L. Ron Hubbard's policy of "attacking" those who speak against Scientology. Fair game, as it was once called.
The Investigation Turned Up... Nothing
After what was reportedly an exhaustive investigation, the private eyes came back empty-handed. No scandals. No affairs. No substance abuse. No financial crimes. Matt and Trey were just... regular people.
Parker himself has spoken about this in interviews, almost amused by how thoroughly boring their lives were to investigators. "We're not that interesting," he said. They worked long hours on their show, went home, and lived relatively normal lives.
The church's frustration was palpable. Here were two guys who'd publicly humiliated their organization in front of millions, and there was nothing to use against them.
Why This Matters
This incident reveals something important about both South Park's creators and Scientology's methods:
- Stone and Parker's clean personal lives gave them immunity that many Hollywood figures lack
- Scientology's aggressive investigative tactics, while effective against some critics, failed spectacularly against targets with nothing to hide
- The episode remained in syndication (though Comedy Central pulled it from rotation for years, likely due to pressure)
The episode became one of South Park's most famous, partially because of the controversy. Isaac Hayes, who voiced Chef and was a Scientologist, quit the show over it. Parker and Stone responded by having Chef "return" brainwashed by the "Super Adventure Club"—a not-so-subtle jab at Scientology.
The lesson? If you're going to mock one of the world's most litigious organizations, it helps to live a remarkably boring life.